"There's a couple of things America got right. Cars and freedom."

"I love America. I love my pet bald eagle, Brach, my bison, Sarah. I love my pickup with the custom Constitution paint job. I celebrate jury duty. I love America so much, I'm making an all-American Jack Combo. Two jumbo patties with melted cheese, lettuce, tomato, and pickles plus fries and a drink for only $4.99. I've celebrated every American tradition - except one - spring break in Cancun, yeah!!! (Try the all-American Jack and enter to win an all-American spring break for you and ten of your friends.)

"Look around you. One in four kids in the U.S. faces hunger. It's not always easy to see the signs. But in this land of plenty, there are kids that don't know where they will get their next meal. Join 'Share our Strength' and 'Food Network' and pledge to end childhood hunger here in America by 2015. Learn how at NoKidHungry.org. Their next meal could come from you."

"What's up, princess? What're you doing your book report on, again, umm, Memoirs of a Geisha? Isn't it? I thought you were doing it on Moby Dick. Very funny guys. No, actually, it's pretty sad. I just have a question. Does your dad know how gay you are? Everyone knows how gay he is. Question answered....The things you see happening on-line have real consequences. Will you stand up? Or stand by?"